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I made this thinking about growing up in Thailand, where trans people on the masculine end of the spectrum are essentially invisible.

Making this piece was a practice in taking space as well as a reflection on my memories, hopes, and dreams.

The crossed out word in Thai, เกรงใจ (”Kreng-Jai”), directly translates to English as “clenched heart”.

It can mean to be thoughtful or considerate.

It can also mean to be afraid of offending, or to be too courteous.

I’m glad to have learned the former qualities, but I am done with clenching my heart.

Charcoal and oil on paper
6 x 11 feet (1.8 x 3.3 m)